"I feel sorry for only 2 people. Martin Luther King Jr. and Dr. Seuss, because they're dead."
"If some guy wanted to rob my house for paper plates, I'd throw him out the window. Not because of the paper plates, I'd just give him some."
"I told you not to spit out the window because it's icky & gross. Besides you can drink your saliva."
"I know a food that starts with Z. Zebra. You know who eats zebra? Mexican People."
"Life is full of fried chicken."
"Vomit is just peanuts, but in vomit form."
"I think the person who invented sausage is the 50th coolest person ever."
"Hey dad, you know a person can be born on 2 different years. If he is born right at 1 second left on New Years then it’ll work. It depends on the 10th of a second. It’d be pretty weird though."
"I would definitly skydive... from 5 feet off the ground."
(Tiredly) "Something fell off the couch." (Dad: "Did you fall off the couch?") "Yeah, I think it was me."
"One million? Is that more than a...million?"
"I need a messenger hawk or a cell phone. Which do you think costs more?"
"If people don't like your art, they throw tomatoes at you. That's what they do you know!"
"I can't believe I woke up at 6:00 just to throw up on a boat!"
"Alonzo Mourning is a good 3-point shooter" (Dad: "No he's not") "Well, he can shoot the 3, he just doesn't make it."
"I'm 5 now. I can get my own milk. I can make my own chocolate milk even though I don't know how to do it"
(Regarding sitting up front in the truck) "But it's illegal!...and I'm telling you the cops are out."
(Playing FBI: they capture the bad guys and take them off to jail) "Good job, guys, let's go get some sushi."
(Dad: Eryn fell down the stairs. She's okay but went to the doctor's to make sure.) "Did she get gum disease?... What is gum disease?"
"I'm so good at being a platypus"
"I don't like newspapers, they're so 80's."
"Trees are big, Trees are lame...but I don't know what lame means."
"Life is more than hamburgers and silly birds."
"Cody, if you're gonna pay me back the money I loan you...why don't you just use THAT money?"
"I have a good re-memory. That's why my head is so big.
(After seeing a sign on a tree, by a river, that was bent in half selling "Puppies" - but only the last part was visible "pies") "What the…!? Who would throw a fresh good pie in the lake!?"
"(Playing Yahtzee) I just need one more four for Hibachi!"
"What type of fish is that….a Bastard" (instead of a Bass ...poor parenting)"
(Referring to a basketball game on TV) "Let's see that again... you need to fast forward in reverse."
(Holding one of those giant foam fingers) "If I ever start pointing the big red finger at my head, it means I'm thinking."
"I'm really thirsty. I've been drinking my saliva all day."
"Nobody invented sausage. It was just pig.... the whole time"